The Question of Results

I'm all over the place. Sometimes I feel like things are moving too quickly and I'm putting too much pressure on myself to get back to work. At other times, I feel like there is so much that I want to do and I am incredibly behind. At work, I catch myself wondering what my endgame is when my current job has nothing to do with either of my degrees--even though I enjoy it. When I get home, I crash. We're talking bath, epsom salts, sleep, elevated ankle--because my ankle, which had nothing to do with my surgery, was injured several years ago and does not enjoy my standing/bustling around for hours a time where I currently work.

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The idea of gradual progress is only something I really accepted several years ago. Before that, if I wasn't achieving what I thought I was supposed to achieve, I thought I was failing. Now, I am tremendously fortunate in so many ways. I love my family, husband, and friends. Dude and I are putting together a wonderful, cozy apartment. I am saving money by not going to Starbucks every morning (which, sadly, is more shocking to my friends than it should be.) 

I do well with lists, so here's a brief one: 

1. I am an extrovert and one of the reasons I like working in retail is that I genuinely like talking to people. 

2. I have worked in the public and private sectors and had a range of experiences. My favorite job was working at an academic research institute where I got to go to the Library of Congress and transcribe letters from the 19th century. 

3. I get similar amounts of enjoyment from reading a new book or article about international affairs and  perusing accessories and home stuff online. 

So...yeah. Still stuck. Aside from working to save money, I struggle with finding a desired direction for my career. That is one of the biggest weights on my shoulders, one that accompanies me when I wake up at 3 AM and can't get back to sleep.

I've tried writing a couple of posts but haven't completed any of them. Maybe I needed to write this first. 

I'm going to take the time I have to rest between today and tomorrow and enjoy Sunday night with Dude and probably some bad food, elevate my stupid ankle, and be grateful for all the good stuff I have--including the gorgeous view of fall trees that from our bedroom and living room windows. 

Hope everyone has the best possible start to their weeks.